“You’re A Positivist? That’s So Gay!” Episodes of Paradigm Talk and Abjection: A Personal “Re-search Paper”

Abstract

There is an abundance of literature offering critiques of paradigms and their implications for social and educational research. Within the literature, or paradigm talk, various researcher identities are constituted. In this “re-search paper”, I engage in critical self-reflection, considering where and who “I” am in relation to postpositivism and queer theory. Adopting Kristeva’s (1982) abjection theory in Powers of Horror as an analytical tool, I scrutinise my positioning and self-manufacturing as a postpositivistic “I” and disorientation in relation to queer theory as a self-identified gay male. I highlight the intersectionality between masculinity, encountering the abject at age six and postpositivism in constituting my researcher identity. Engaging with elements of paradigm talk in queer theory leads me to a personal, unresolved struggle with assimilationism and queerness where politicisation and epistemology meet. As “data”, I present material “brought up” in transference dialogues where unconscious, psychoactive material has been “thrown up” into consciousness. For example, storyboarding involving lived experience and personal research journal entries. The paper concludes with some commentary on the challenges involved in not just writing about abjection, but writing abjection into one’s own work.